Wednesday morning... and the dog is snoring

It is early Wednesday morning. Shane (my dog) is on the bed back and forth, between another quick nap with the added sawing logs sound effects and alert and ready to bark at the neighborhood dogs. He will let me know that it is time to get outside soon.

I had come across a quote about Pandora's box that I had previously posted on Facebook. It came floating back to my memory after a watching "Spiderman 2." One of the themes of the movie is that Spiderman gives the people of NYC hope. Hope is something that I hope that I give others when I listen to their stories and repeat back to them the good and the bad and actually how strong they are when they have dealt with their issue.

Everyone has their own path in life. Sometimes these paths cross with others and it then we can take the time to find out if this crossing is destined for the long journey or the short... or very short of a brief hiccup. In my life, I try to listen to people, since very few people do take the time to listen to others. I only give advice with something that I know that works... and only works because one needs to put in the time and energy to make it happen. The rest of the time is repeating back the decisions that have been stated in the conversation. People have made up their minds about a problem, but need a sounding board.

So when my decision to go public about my testicular cancer, it was not for sympathy or the search for it. The approach that I have taken is that this is just another thing in my life on par with the dog needing to go poop or walking back a freshly mowed lawn and sneezing (allergic to fresh cut grass). What has amazed me is the love and support that I have gotten. Pandora's box had open in my life a year ago with the diagnosis of Caswell's colon cancer and passing this past January of liver cancer. It had taken a while to understand .... and because of the movie.... that there are so many people who are there to give me hope and love.

How this has touched me, I can not begin to say. It is quite over whelming. This house here in Boulder has had a hard year. My cancer time line is similar to Caswell's, many differences so it is not the same, but one hard day was my first day of chemotherapy. It was also Caswell's first day of chemo, and the gentleman that was called in before me, his first name was Forrest... Caswell's last.... signs and wonders. I am not going through this alone, while Roland, Shane and Butch are here with me everyday. Shane and Butch aren't the verbal type being dogs, but they do what they can to show love. There is a world of friends and family all over the place who check in with me daily.

Granted, I am only going on my third day of treatment, I am not going down hill in a trolley with no brakes. Here I am realizing how many times I have used "I." While this is all effecting me personally on one aspect, this is effecting the people I love, call family and are family. So for the most part this is a "WE" thing. Since I don't express myself as much as I should...there's that "I" again. This forum is a good place to let everyone know what I am thinking and feeling and missing them.

Thank you Roland for your daily help and support, especially during your time of grieving and getting this house ready to sell and going through the house selling process. Having someone who is sick does not add to extra joy.

Thank you to my brother Stephen who is a light to me. You went through your own battle of throat cancer. If it wasn't for your word of encouragement to do the chemotherapy, I would be more afraid. Now I am not, thank you for that bit of encouragement and love.

Thank you to my parents Jude and Nilda who have given me some of their insight of what they learned as they went through the journey of Stephen's cancer.

Thank you to Laurie... a dear neighbor who doesn't know what to say about all this, but is here and ready to help.

Thank you especially to Caswell Forrest... there are many things that we are to each other... you loved to poke me with your finger, or just hover close so that I could physically feel your presence enough that I would step away and tell you not to touch me. Or your joy in saying something so that I would respond sarcastically back to you in a knee jerk reaction. Old woman, you are sorely missed. I know that you are around still standing in the sun light smiling at me and finally holding me when needed.

Thank you to Tony Edington, John Denman, Charlie Eliopoulos, Colin Dunn, Tom Mateas, Megan Fahrenbruch, Pam Engles, Melissa Bernard (rocking cousin 1), Maura Bernard (rocking cousin 2) and so many more people to list here. Thank you on the few words of comfort but many on the words of support and love. I am truly and honestly overwhelmed.

Yes, this a bit of an emotional ending for this entry this morning, and I will blame it on the steroids... but everyone who has gotten in touch with me in one form or another... you are all just another piece of hope standing at the bottom of my Pandora's box after all the sins, woes and griefs were release.